Does Relationships Really End?

I’m not convinced that relationships ever really end. Even when one person says “it’s over” and both people move-on. We reach this point and our environment pressures us to pretend like the people of our past never existed.

We’re encouraged to write our ex’s off as crazy and “just forget about them.” At the very least, we’re expected to stop loving them.

I see things differently.

I now love people more after a break-up. Not in a way that keeps me chained to the past, but in a way that increases the capacity of my heart. Sometimes you love more by sincerely letting go– by releasing another person to go wherever they need to– than you could have loved if you stayed in a relationship. If this is true, then the separation of two people is not the end. It’s just a new chapter. You may not speak or see each other in this new chapter… But, when you really need it and least expect it, they may be the voice in your head that tells you to keep going. The voice that says love makes everything worth it.

I don’t like thinking of someone as an “ex.” What does that even mean? To many people, it means regarding someone they used to love deeply as something less. Especially when new people get involved– then we really start to get jealous, control, and justify. I’ve been there. I’ve felt threatened by ex-lovers and jealous of the guys who replaced me.  

It’s hard to know why someone comes into your life. All relationships require flexibility and change. How do we know when we’re supposed to fight to make it work or when we’re supposed to let it go? I wish I had a good solution to this question, but I don’t. Perhaps I need to start listening to what I tell friends– you never know. You never know what’s best for another person. Sometimes you don’t even know what’s best for you. You never know if God will bring someone from the past into your future. You never know… But God does. Just have faith.

We don’t expect the people who teach us the really beautiful things in life to be the same ones to teach us the really difficult things. I think that’s what hurts the most. If you’re hurting because you expected a happy ending and found yourself in a world of pain… Let those tears soften your heart. Keep loving and don’t worry about chapters that have closed. Your story is still being written and, I promise, there will be a happy ending.